My brain just won't shut down. I am having the most awful time sleeping again… The result is that I overanalyse things. "I should have done that," or "That was stupid" kind of thoughts percolate through my head all night. (After I get bored factoring the time on the alarm clock. Look! I am not the only person in the world who does it!) The worst one right now is from when I got sick this last time. By the time we got home from the boat party, I was in an indescribable amount of pain, and, of course, running a fever. Finally, after taking some Tylenol and ibuprofen, for the pain and the fever, the last thought before falling asleep, was "I wish I'd kissed him." It keeps playing through my head – was it a moment of absolutely clarity, some secret understanding that I was denying to myself, or was it a fevered, nonsensical thought? It would be ok if I could just sleep and not be bombarded with random thoughts playing through my head, but… I am to the point that I am just zombie-like. I am so tired that very little is making sense. And, unlike Ray, I never get up and do anything – I just lay there, tossing and turning. I am always worried that if I do get up and do something, I won't ever go to sleep. At least in bed, I should be able to get myself into some kind of state resembling sleep. Eventually, I drift off, then wake up, then drift off… I am trying to get more exercise, riding on the trainer, and running on the treadmill and some yoga stuff, but that has yet to make me sleep any more than normal either. On the bright side – I am at my lowest weight in years, and I have even had to buy a new coat as my old one swallowed me whole. My should-be-skin-tight lycra Sugoi cycling shorts are too big for the first time since I bought them.